please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
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