There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
