before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
