So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
