and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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