i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
