I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
where are you?
Hypothermia
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize