as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
You dont lie about slip and slides
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
