it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
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