I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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