A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
