You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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