My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
