Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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