yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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