I want to stick my p in your. b.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
