Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
