filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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