LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
two words: eviction party
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
