i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
