Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
