This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
