you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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