I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
