You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
there is puke in my bra ... again
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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