we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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