apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
