I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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