I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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