You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
