It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
