I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize