I wish my penis had an off switch
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
The beer is more important than you right now.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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