Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
