hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
