ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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