The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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