you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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