I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
