Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
