Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
