I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
no you cant smoke seaweed
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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