So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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