Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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