i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
