she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
