His pubic hair was longer than his dick
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
