3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
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