I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Randomize
