guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
