I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
