the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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