ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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