Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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