I'm lost and stupid without you.
I think I died a long time ago.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
