he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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