Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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