I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
