I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
