somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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