I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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