and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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