Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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