I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
So here I am, sexting at work.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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