honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
