I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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